Code Blue (Ryan)

Yesterday, Joe and I took off for Tidewater parts unknown, exploring New Kent County. What was supposed to be a mellow exploratory ride rapidly degenerated into a side-by-side hammerfest of moderately epic proportions...for out in this far Northwesterly corner of Swampland, I found two glorious things: gravel roads and hills.

Unfortunately, these sweet discoveries were not untempered by bitterness. Owen the Young (former stupid freshman, currently stupid sophmore) was supposed to come with us, in fact, he even called the ride. After waiting for the little bastard for 15 minutes, we tracked him down at his dorm room, finding him disheveled and obviously just woken. He of course, bailed on the ride, making some lame excuse about being out till 3am the night before. I have heard such excuses before and I have had it.

My friends, we are in the midst of a crisis. Incidences of bailin' have been steadily rising through the fall. I haven't seen anything like this since the Mass Bailin' Epidemic of October 2006 struck down the JMU boys (God rest their souls and the souls of their mountainbikes). I have opened an investigation into this appalling phenomenon and have a theory about the cause: Excessive rock-starism amongst young people.

Now I am obviously not advocating a reduction in boozing, partying, ill-advised sexual escapades, or drunken night rides (these things are the bread and butter of any self-respecting collegeiate cyclist). No, all I am saying is that a rough night is most certainly not a valid reason to miss a ride. By all means, party like you're Steven Tyler and its 1975*, but be ready to ride like you're Eddy Merckx and its 1970 by 11am sharp.

Take for example, the coveted Rockstar award at the Shenandoah 100. To win this, you must be the most ridiculous the night before, and also have a decent time in the race the next morning. To really be a rockstar, you've gotta to be the one showing up at the morning ride still drunk, underfed, skin stained orange from sparks, and still able to drop the hammer on your straight-edge riding buddies.
For all you roadie fags out there, thing of it as a stage race; boozing is a prologue, the ride is stage 1, and the rockstar is a heavy-hitting GC contender.


Dig it? Alright...let's get out there and melt some faces.






*editors note: Neither Roadie Fag nor Mountie Scum advocate the use of heroin, simulants, nor attempted Run DMC collaborations