Code Blue (Ryan)

Yesterday, Joe and I took off for Tidewater parts unknown, exploring New Kent County. What was supposed to be a mellow exploratory ride rapidly degenerated into a side-by-side hammerfest of moderately epic proportions...for out in this far Northwesterly corner of Swampland, I found two glorious things: gravel roads and hills.

Unfortunately, these sweet discoveries were not untempered by bitterness. Owen the Young (former stupid freshman, currently stupid sophmore) was supposed to come with us, in fact, he even called the ride. After waiting for the little bastard for 15 minutes, we tracked him down at his dorm room, finding him disheveled and obviously just woken. He of course, bailed on the ride, making some lame excuse about being out till 3am the night before. I have heard such excuses before and I have had it.

My friends, we are in the midst of a crisis. Incidences of bailin' have been steadily rising through the fall. I haven't seen anything like this since the Mass Bailin' Epidemic of October 2006 struck down the JMU boys (God rest their souls and the souls of their mountainbikes). I have opened an investigation into this appalling phenomenon and have a theory about the cause: Excessive rock-starism amongst young people.

Now I am obviously not advocating a reduction in boozing, partying, ill-advised sexual escapades, or drunken night rides (these things are the bread and butter of any self-respecting collegeiate cyclist). No, all I am saying is that a rough night is most certainly not a valid reason to miss a ride. By all means, party like you're Steven Tyler and its 1975*, but be ready to ride like you're Eddy Merckx and its 1970 by 11am sharp.

Take for example, the coveted Rockstar award at the Shenandoah 100. To win this, you must be the most ridiculous the night before, and also have a decent time in the race the next morning. To really be a rockstar, you've gotta to be the one showing up at the morning ride still drunk, underfed, skin stained orange from sparks, and still able to drop the hammer on your straight-edge riding buddies.
For all you roadie fags out there, thing of it as a stage race; boozing is a prologue, the ride is stage 1, and the rockstar is a heavy-hitting GC contender.


Dig it? Alright...let's get out there and melt some faces.






*editors note: Neither Roadie Fag nor Mountie Scum advocate the use of heroin, simulants, nor attempted Run DMC collaborations

Deliverance (Andy)

I felt it would be appropriate for the "original" of the demeaning and slanderous blogs to introduce our newly born bastard child. My lovely roommate, 4/365 day riding partner and 365/365 day boozing partner, Kyle, and his overgrown lifepartner Blake have birthed a blog which is setting the modern standard for heterosexual mancrushes and dildo- floggings. But remember kids...its not gay if you like it! You can find these two established gentlemen at http://blakemwalker.com/kyleandblake
In more recent news Ive been perusing my picture files and came across some excellent time capsules from the summer which I would like to share. The first is an eclectic self-portrait of Mr. Delaney. Many of you may be wondering "why, Ryan has an excellent sense of humor. He must really enjoy dressup and is a big fan of the redneck wifebeater costume." unfortunately this is a fallacy. This was Ryan Delaney 98% of the days this summer. The other 2% he was naked, with his balls either between his legs or in his fist, flashing the occupants of 75 South Court Square, regardless as to whether the occupants were permanent or temporary. A stark resemblance to another American legend...the quintessential "white trash."

More importantly, I will be making a post later this month concerning a recent development within our lovely abode. It will be in regards to this...

Sandtown Heats up for the Winter (Ryan)

Well kids, I know its been awhile since you've heard anything from the Beast of the East, and I'm sorry to dissapoint. Andy summed up our fall mountain race campaign fairly well, so I won't dwell on that (or call him out again for wimping out on the Tidewater Challenge...far be it from me to declare myself winner by default). I am indeed suffering from some sort of sickness/ complete fitness meltdown, but as of the ride today, I'm beginning to claw my way out of it. He did get one thing wrong in his post, however. Contrary to his spy photos, my new power tool is not the internal combustion engine, it is an unholy combination of this:



and this:

(Andy is correct, I recently moved up to Cat 2 in boozing)

A fixie and PBR, two great tastes that taste great together. I anticipate both a great improvement in leg power and overall bulk for downhilling to come out of this new winter training program.

Now for some Sandtown news. Whatever passes for winter this far southeast is fast closing in on my sandy home, and this means one thing; me and the W&M boys are scrambling to organize and promote a road race several months behind schedule. Owen, James and I went out exploring today to find interesting pave sections and decisive climbs to add to the course, and we were not dissapointed...although I'm unauthorized to reveal details, suffice to say I officially have less reason to complain about the riding down here. Some of you may remember the First Annual Tidewater Winter Classic from last year, and I assure you the second edition will be even more epic. Due to popular demand, the Classic has grown from a simple one-day race to a full weekend of racing. While course details are being kept strictly under wraps until the official race announcement, I can promise a very difficult individual TT and sketchy crit on Saturday, February 24th (for the collegiate crowd only, unfortunately) and what promises to be a brutal, technical road race to put the Het Volk to shame on Sunday the 25th. This seminal event will be open to all cyclists willing to make the pilgrimage to Sandtown. To make sure the Classic lives up to its name, I'm secretly praying for snow all winter, although some of you may hate me for it...you have to agree that snow would make the race soooo much more epic right?

In addition to the race, the boys and I have upped our trail riding miles since finding the hidden gem of New Quarter Park, with its smooth single track, sweet log jumps, and boardwalks...its the perfect place to hone our techy skills and for me to master the fixie.


The infamous Ludwell crits have started up again as well, and if you're in the greater Sandtown area, meet up at Ludwell Appartment 100 every thursday night at 9 for some bus-dodging, cold as hell racing action.

Once this race is squared away, I plan on moving on to a new and exciting project; finding a job...anyone in the 'burg have any leads for me?