Go Big or Go Home

By now some of you have probably heard how the first mountainbike race of the season went, but I'm going to give you a full account anyway...

The season kicked off with the Dragon's Back XC race out in Craig County, VA (near Roanoke). This seminal event marked the first of the Virginia Mountainbike Series, back in its full glory for the first time in many years. The weather gods, however, weren't as excited about the series as I was apparently, as I awoke at 5am on race day to a biblical deluge blanketing the tidewater region and extending all the way to the mountains. Mark and I quietly questioned both our sanity and our chances of surviving the day, while loading the car. Then we grabbed a stockpile of coffee and promptly hopped on I-64 West in search of adventure.

By the time we got to the race venue at 10, the rain was letting up a bit, and was even nice enough to hold off until I crossed the finish line. In true W&M style, neither of us warmed up, and I was the last person to toe the start line. Apparently nobody else did either, and the entire sport class agreed to party pace the prologue, which was a nice change from a normal chaotic sprint start.

The first singletrack of the day was the 2 mile climb up to the ridge, which I hit in about 3rd place in the Sport field. About 5 minutes into the climb, I had shed the rest of the guys like a tear and was halfway through the Vet and Masters guys before I looked back. I remember thinking to myself "Hmmm...maybe I won't lose for once". Mark had worked his was up to 2nd in the meantime, and was doing a hell of a job blocking for me, until I got hung up behind a slower group of Masters dudes on a tight section with no room to pass. Over the top of the ridge, Mark, myself, and C-ville Kyle were back together, rounding out the Sport top 3.

The downhill off this first ridge was tons of fun, smooth with lots of swoooooopy tight switchbacks...I hit the bottom first and Kyle and I boogied down the fireroad together, back to the base of the climb, where I dropped him and started to catch up to the Expert field. Once I passed my Expert bro Kirby, I knew I was rolling...I managed to keep it together for once (despite the gnarly 2nd downhill, which was in serious need of some saw work) and come across the line just as the first drops began to fall, 9 minutes ahead of Mark in 2nd place!

Our only reward was a bush league medal (no podium bunnies either), a long drive home in poochy weather, during which Mark nearly fell asleep and killed us, and a crack in my beautiful new bike:


Surprisingly, even this didn't bring me down off the victory high, so I upgraded to Expert ASAP, hoping to get my ass handed to me at my next race so I can go back to feeling absolutely shitbag about myself...I was starting to develop a dangerous amount of self-esteem there, which can't be good for anyone. Like Bob Roll says, nothing propels a bike faster than self-hate.

overtraining

i felt this was appropiate for most of our readers...

BoUnCiNgSoUl33: on the other hand, i'm very happy my training regimen of pounding girl scout cookies, beers and blondes is working out
IrishTriHiker: wow
IrishTriHiker: wow
IrishTriHiker: wow
IrishTriHiker: an outstanding statement
IrishTriHiker: you make me so proud
BoUnCiNgSoUl33: clearly its the path to victory
BoUnCiNgSoUl33: i can't do the tagalong cookies though, they make me sick to my stomach and unable to carry out phases 2 and 3 of my training plan

Harris-Roubaix

So an epic training block just came to a close yesterday. The block started with a 80 mile ride over 7 mountain ranges with 11,000 ft of climbing....it then continued with some scouting of acclaimed gravel roads, culminating in the race of races; the 2007 Harris-Roubaix. For those who are ignorant to the ways of classic American races, the Roubaix ranks up there with the Tour of Georgia, Tour of California, and the US Pro Championship in Philly. The Roubaix this year was a 16.1 mile loop consisting of 9-10 punchy climbs, 2,000 ft of climbing per lap (3 laps), sketchy deep gravel turns and chicanes, long wide open gravel descents where racers can reach speeds up to 40mph reducing the margin of error to near zero. The Roubaix this year saw the return of past heroes Jeremiah Bishop and Nick Waite. The race was also graced with names such as Justin Spinelli, and Dan Bowman who race professionally for Kelly Benefit Strategies/Medifast. Other personalities such as FaggyBro Kyle Lawrence, Chris "don't let friends ride Fuji" Clark, and Julie "ill eat your children" Gliesing. As well, the presence of pro legend Chris Scott sent shudders of fear through the peloton. What most weren't anticipating was the performance of Dark Horse rookie pro, Andy McKeegan, who by the end of the day would be laying on the hurt like butter. Those scared shitless out of racing the Roubaix were the MoutieScum himself, eating extraordinaire Blake 'Shrek" Walker, and the pro himself: Bailin Grant Patterson.

The cold April morning saw a race attendance in the 40s. The race went off and immediately selections were made, the lead group after the first major set of climbs were Andy McKeegan, Jeremiah Bishop, Nick Waite, Justin Spinelli, Dan Bowman, Chris Scott, Kyle Lawrence, and a foof whose name is unknown. The KBS/Medifast crew began to turn the screws to urge attacks from Bishop and stretch out the group. About half way through the lap McKeegan lost his traction into a gravel turn and had to correct into a driveway, costing him minutes to get back on course. Rear group stragglers Clark and Lawrence zipped by heckling McKeegan's lack of bike handling ability. Little did they know McKeegan got himself out of the rut and began to bridge back to the group. At the bottom of the first major gravel decent Clark of the Hungarian team YoBro presented by Gamecube was seen laying all over the road like a dead ox. Media coverage has provided us documentation of the incident

McKeegan then caught and dropped Lawrence and the foof who were a good mile behind the pro element. The bridge was successful and the group was whittled down to 6 riders. On lap 2 McKeegan again tripped up his shit and was sliding around a turn, at that moment a wave of attacks emerged from the KBS/Medifast team blowing the group apart and leaving only Waite, Spinelli, Bowman, and Bishop in its wake. Forward officials tell us Bishop attacked the group into a gnarly gravel turn and put a minute on the KBS boys. The KBS team flatted during the chase and were surprised to see the McKeegan Express with Chris Scott in tow come flying by shortly after. KBS promptly shot their lead rider, Waite, to snag the back end of group and the chasing of Bishop ensued. By the end of lap 2 Bishop was ahead by minutes with McKeegan and Waite working together to drop some minutes. At the beginning of lap 3 the ant used his superior climbing skills to put McKeegan in the red and make the bridge solo. Waite put 2-3 minutes on McKeegan before he was forced to stop and repair flat damage 4 miles from the finish at which point McKeegan flew past at a blistering place, securing himself a podium finish if he could hold off Chris Scott which he did by about 8 minutes. The final times for the 2007 Harris Roubaix were
Jeremiah Bishop: 2:21
Andy McKeegan +10:00
Chris Scott + 18:00

-have you talked your trash today? ohh the shittiest trash!-

Spring Training

Well it’s certainly been a while, but seeing as how bike racin has started up again, I figure its about time to give y’all an update. The second annual Tidewater Winter Classic went off without a hitch, although we’re still waiting for the money to roll in. Predictably, Hopkins and their cadre of exceptional toolish roadie fags complained incessantly, in person and on their website…one can only hope that karma insures their whole team is hit by a bus on a training ride.

Now that Andy has publicized the secrets of his early season training, I feel like I shouldn’t leave people wondering how the Mountie Scum is preparing for race season…so I’ve compiled a sample week out of the resistance training phase of my 2007 training plan, complete with illustrations:

Monday
10am: Sleep through class to shake off the mug night hangover
2:30pm: Attempt race-pace mountain bike ride, crash.













Tuesday
1pm: Intervals with this guy:












4pm-8pm: Work at the bike shop; tasks for the day include assembling one beach cruiser, playing with the shop dog, and begging free cheeseburgers off the restaurant next-door.


Wednesday
1pm: 45 minute to an hour easy ride
2pm: Attempt to haze freshmen with Sparks and Cuban cigars, end up hazing myself
8:30pm: Awaken on the couch, covered in cigar burns and orange splotches
9pm: Consume entire large pizza topped with ham.












Thursday
off

Friday
3pm: embark on two hour road ride, seek out all gravel roads in the Williamsburg area
7pm: exchange cycling shoes for drinkin’ boots.











Saturday
9am: Early breakfast















10am: Team photo shoot (for the sponsors)















2pm: “Mountain” bike ride

Sunday
6:45am: Arrive home, remove drinking boots
7am: Get underclassmen to drive me to the race
9am: Race some bikes, make some friends, get dropped.












This is a new plan this year, I think it’ll get my five-second power nearly up to that of the Roadie Fag and hopefully I’ll crack into the top six myself in a race soon!